“The inner voice, “Take courage. It is I. Do not be afraid,” assures that our security rests in having no security.” -Brennan Manning, The Rabbi’s Heartbeat
I don’t think of myself as a courageous person. my idea of an adventure is getting up early on Sunday morning to eat blueberry waffles and biscuits and gravy at a restaurant I’ve never been to before. I don’t like danger or scary things. I prefer to sit in my living room with a cup of hot tea (today it’s hibiscus with raspberry and blueberry, and it tastes like summer in the middle of autumn) than brave any real risk. It’s more than that, though. It’s how I react when I know something is going to be hard or draining. Avoidance. i will not lean into the challenge. I won’t make the awkward phone call. I won’t take the step of faith. I won’t jump into the raft that will take me through rapids (after all, I don’t know how to swim).
I shrink back from risk. I don’t know the results- I could die, I could ruin a relationship, I could fall short of someone’s expectations. So I stay paralyzed by the uncertainty. And I reason with myself and with God, “If I could just know for sure what your will is. If I could know this is necessary, that I am moving in the right direction, and You’ll meet me hear; then I could move forward.” It’s a lie, though. A lie I tell myself. Tell God.
In Exodus 3, God calls Moses in pretty spectacular fashion. In a “flame of fire from the midst of a bush” (vs. 2). And He spelled out what He was going to do clearly, “I have come down to deliver [my people] out of the hand of the Egyptians, and to bring them up from that land to a good and large land, to a land flowing with mild and honey” (vs. 8). And He tells Moses his role in the plan, “Come now, and I will send you to Pharaoh that you may bring My people out of Egypt” (vs. 10). So, Moses had a clear and specific sign and calling from the Lord. And what was his response? “Suppose they don’t believer me?” (4:1), “I am not eloquent; I am slow of speech and slow of tongue” (4:10), “O Lord, please send by the hand of whomever else You may send” (4:13).
I see so much of myself in Moses’ response to God. The mingling of fear and self doubt in my ability with pride in thinking I can arrange a better plan than God can (self doubt and pride are so often two sides of the same coin). And I’m grateful to know that human nature permeates even my Biblical heroes. Maybe that’s my call to courage.
Because courage is moving forward in the midst of fear. And when Moses went forward, God did incredible things to rescue his people and declare his glory. And Moses had a front row seat. He got to be a part of what God was doing. That’s an incredible reminder to speak into my doubt. An incredible demonstration of the power and character of God to carry in my heart as I close my eyes and step out in faith.
What is courage to you? Where is God calling your to courageously step up?
